I have been having mood swings— how about you? I mean they can change from environment to environment—in one morning, surprising even myself. I am not sure it was always this way; It’s definitely part of the shifting of the current world. So much has changed on how we interact and what we expect it can be confusing, plus there are ginormous planetary shifts that are happening (today is supposed to begin a change of pace now that Saturn and Jupiter have moved out of retrograde) … so you get the vibe in which my Monday morning was starting.
Actually, it started sweetly. I rose before our alarm. My almost four year old son woke up declaring that we were going to “work as a team” this morning so breakfast and car loading were effortless. I mean, the weather has dropped ten degrees so I think he is cold since I forgot his winter jacket putting him in the fall jacket that was fine 48 hours ago, but really he galavanted off into his day and we were all smiles.
Then I decided to pull over at the park and sit with the sun and organize my day before barreling into the coffeeshop. I sometimes spin out if I don’t have a clear focus. (Sidenote: I am taking a break from coffee, more about that in another post). Or if I just jump into a list of 20 things that I wrote last week. I am efforting to practice what I preach more in the business end of things, ground it, like I do in my client work.
So there was this back and forth happening of easy breezy and what do I do next to accomplish some hefty goals I had set for myself. I sat in the car, a beautiful field ahead of me, the cold and bright October sun, little birds flitting and I was bumping upon my internal frustration and all the things that were not executing as quickly as I had hoped.
Writer’s tip: I took out a pen and paper and let my complaints and frustrations rip. I didn’t stay polite, I just dumped it on the page. I was once taught that it is good to “namu namu” or get the complaining out so you can begin your day with a fresh slate. But then leave it there. Don’t drag it repeatedly through your day.
So I dumped. It didn’t actually do much for me in that moment. It more exacerbated that I was sitting in my car complaining—if I am honest.
Then I flipped the page and wrote the things to be grateful. The truth was in the present moment there were clear, miraculous things to be grateful for. I knew this and I did feel a little better.
But this did not change (in the moment) the benchmarks that I had set based on very real, practical, needs. So I sat in my car. I have heard so many ways to sift through my emotions I am over it. I cannot scroll through IG one more time for a spiritual pep talk and I was feeling quite frustrated. Here is what I scribbled next:
I don’t know whether to say, “Please.” Or command all the forces of the Universe. I don’t know if I should ask for help, or assume I have everything I need. But I know in this moment I need very clear help.
Move your body: this was my next thought.
I mean, I was parked at a nature preserve. I had never really had time to investigate all of its options. I had done a few client calls from this one grove when the weather was warmer (why not?) and I had never gone around the bend. So I thought - well, let’s move the body temple and see what is around the corner.
A mere three minutes around the corner were a few beautiful homes of rehabilitating birds. A Broad Wing Hawk, a Great Horned Owl, and a Barred Owl. I stopped in my tracks. I love hawks and owls. Hawk has been an ever-present friend of my heart for a very, very long time in my own life and in those that I love very much, and some beloveds that are no longer here in the body. I sat and stared at the haw; he was young a little skittish and his name was Hopper so I guessed his wings were literally clipped. The next Owl was bright eyed and present, a young child was visiting with him. His parent told me they come to sit with Odin, The Great Horned Owl, every Monday and he now knows them and hops over to greet them. I was enthralled.
It was the next friend that held an answer. Deeply present, sitting in the back of his cage with his royal and regal fluff was a Barred Owl whose name I did not even look at until the end. His presence was piercing. He and I locked eyes and I stood there, granting space (I did not even bother coming as close the cage as I could) and I let myself be held in his presence. All animals are friends of wonder to me. Birds, if you have been here on The Golden Thread, have made their presence especially large these past few years, and raptors have such a wide, field they are enchanting to be in. Still, not all owls are the same. Even the parent made a chuckle at how different Odin and this One were when I eventually broke the gaze.
I was honored by his gaze, but I was not fooled into thinking he was pleased. As if he had heard my woe-is-me car complaints, in an eye to eye conversation with this Strikingly Wise Being, I head plain as day: You are not caged.
Humbling.
It’s interesting what the camera captures too. For in the moments I was staring into this One’s eyes we were able to meet eye to eye, it felt, with no impetus of the cage, yet when you look at his physicality there is overwhelming constraint.
| Sidenote that I am writing this to you and the new barista just walked over to me and said, “That bird ring tone is something else!”
I smiled. I had not heard it, but I really appreciated the confirmation of sharing this with you all and the frequency that is rising up this Monday, moon day of the mind, morning. Just like you, I need to put the pieces together. That’s why The Golden Thread was born, to invite us all into a container to notice the inter-weavings of life. To pay attention, as a skill - yes. Also as a lifestyle to increase connection. |
Back to the Wise One, he is right. I am not caged: only in my mind. I was wrapping myself in the wire of what hadn’t been or couldn’t be imagined differently. I was not staying above the fray of my mind and soaring into possibility. But here was one to show me truly what an incarnation of limited possibility looks like: and he has wings. He has wings, friends.
So wherever this Monday finds you — stretch your wings. Guard your mind. Listen to those that are trying to reach you.
Soar.
Kate
P.S.
By the way, when I ran back to my car to get my phone knowing that I would be writing this, he was completely unimpressed. He actually puffed his feathers and tilted his head to the ceiling after I got the photo.
It was like an owl eye roll, “Oh, another one of those humans.”
Because for sure, if I had had my phone with me, my frequency would have approached differently. I would be documenting a bird rather than experiencing the wise presence and caution of a benevolent being.
P.P.S
His given name? Sherlock.
Owl in Lenape? Kukhus
His name for himself? I didn’t ask.