It's about time

Old school watches & the importance of adventures

Photo by Loume Visser on Unsplash

Hello Creatives —

I started wearing a watch - not an Apple Watch or a video, or any new fangled thing. I came across a beloved watch I stopped wearing twenty years ago when I ceremonially wanted to be unhinged from always knowing what time it was and to connect more into a fluid state of being. It worked by the way. In fact it worked so well, unless I am overly exhausted, I can pretty much wake up at the same time every day without a clock. Is that impressive in itself? No.

Is it the result of fine-tuning a relationship with body rhythm - yes.

That same form of communication started whispering to me about my phone. One night, after tucking my son in — which means decompression time — may dog loudly, and discontentedly sighed at me. I looked up from my phone where I was watching OTHER PEOPLE’s dogs doing cute things and I sorta got it. I mean. I have a dog. I have a dog, and I was watching others.

Then I saw this:

Dino Ambrosi shares an incredibly powerful visual of how many months an average 18 year old has in “time to live,” breaking down how many months are spent working, sleeping in the bathroom, etc etra. He says, I am paraphrasing, that out of the remaining months to pursue their passions and hobbies, the current 18 year old is tracking to spend 312 of those 334 months of free time ON A SCREEN.

He asks this ah-mazing question based on those numbers: What kind of investment will 26 years of screen time be to your future?

It’s around minute 1:43 if you want the stunning clarion call visual.

I sat there staring at my phone, and realized: What am I doing?

What am I actually doing?

Then I thought about the watch I “happened” on at the bottom of my jewelry box. Fast forward a few weeks, and for $15 I got a new battery put in and started wearing the watch. I liked it. What I liked even more, is I no longer really needed to take my phone to keep track of time. When I stopped having to check it for the time, I realized how many times I had checked it for the time, and once there, I would check messages, and maybe social media…..and down the scroll vortex we go. With that one decision I gained a few hours of my life back, my phone informed me. My actual usage went down.

Then I remembered hearing that if you want to break the phone addiction habit (was I addicted?) you would announce to yourself why you were checking your phone — for example you would say out loud, “I am checking instagram” or if you want to be really honest “I am bored and going to watch other people’s dogs do cute things,” and when your own conscious mind hears how ridiculous that is, that you aren’t “just checking the time” or “checking messages” you snap out of the haze, and you cumulatively break the habit. Most of us aren’t even aware of what we are doing. Which tracks because we don’t think about breathing, and we have a highway of other people’s thoughts zipping up and down our brain-lanes.

By the way, I already was someone who shuts her phone off at night, and if I have to have it on, never sleeps with it by my head, or engages with it within the first hour or two of waking if I can help it. Meaning I don’t get up at 5am to enjoy silence, writing and brainstorming to simply pop on IG. So take that as a starting point, and I still had no idea how unconsciously I was accessing my phone.

Okay, Kate we get it — but do we?

Photo by Andrik Langfield on Unsplash

The next thing I saw which really was my double-down moment on divorcing the innocent scroll was this:

*Here is the link and it lists the verified sources for you to peruse, but honestly it was a felt confirmation for me of something I could not name, but already knew. HBU?

Human perception of time slows down with novelty, presence, deep focus, emotion, adventure, and —— real moments.

This ⬆️ is an actual list, that peopled have spent money and time to prove, that a well lived life is worth living, and a scrolled life is, well, not much of anything.

I can confidently say my screen time plummeted with this, and I didn’t have to do anything but remember that life is short. If you have been with my writing for awhile you might know that one of my tricks is to ask myself, “What would 70 year old Kate say?” and her answer is often, do it. Whatever it is: walk the dog, go to the party, spend the money, make it happen —- because we only have so much time.

If you are a parent you have a walking clock reminding you how fast time goes, but this is a reminder of how to slow it down: spend the time making real adventures with your kids.

They could be big, but they are often small.

I realized the other day, when my son was singing in joyous anticipation of his lunch, that he will one day tell someone he loves that his Mom took him to Indian Buffets. Maybe when he is lonely he will order a dish with some extra naan and feel loved. It’s sometimes that easy.

When I was pregnant with him, I was missing my grandfather and so sad he would not meet my son (his life had already been lived), that I drove over to an old school bakery and got a lemon danish. I don’t think I had eaten a lemon danish in 12 years because they aren’t dietarily good for you. But I sat in the car, unwrapped my danish and cried. I was once again a kid, sandwiched between my grandparents, who were both masters in creating the small moments kids carry onward, and I realized, I could just find another way to share my grandfather’s love with my son. That is what I did. And I think it worked. I didn’t scroll about it, and I didn’t eat a danish a day, I created a lived experience, which was a bit of adventure, and it made an indelible moment.

Love is a felt language not diminished by time.

Lastly, there is a reason for beauty and for tools with purpose. There are times for minimalism for sure, but the art of tools and place, and pace are worthy for us to revisit. I think it is not an either or — look at this magical newsletter, that lets me hold your face and say — Sweetheart, it is all alright, and it can be better. You’ve got this — from the comfort of candlelight, early grey tea and the snoring of my sweet black dog’s wisdom.

When this page started, I wanted to let everyone know what we could do, but with your support I know that’s not my job. Here we just turn on the light and remind you to feed a few more logs on the fire that could never go out. That you are worthy and have tremendous purpose in being and that warms us all simply by the artful way you are living here and now.

I do think checking back in on the old, slight of wrist time-check could be a much needed revolution and fashion statement, a marking of one that knows well how to manage their time.

Be well,

Kate