Get Ahead of Yourself
A different kind of post
Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.
I’ve been dancing around this post for awhile, busy with many other things — avoiding.
“What am I supposed to do with this?” I asked an old friend this morning, who is a masterful coach, wondering similar things about Yeshua the Christ that I am and have been for months now.
“Well, let me tell you this,”
replied. “Today is 12/12; it is the day when the veil of your highest future self and you are the thinnest. It’s the easiest for you to connect. Who do you want to be living as?”I hung up the phone and hesitated. I clicked on my daily morning app, and Romans 12:12 popped up. I sipped my coffee and here we are. Let me start by saying this:
I do not have answers.
I only have curiosity and a desire for peace and success, for my Self, so I may create a foundation for my family which overflows to our community and into generations to come.
About four years ago, I realized that I was comfortable using every name, but God. I could say universe, source, and manifest. I could read about Ganesha, Rumi, Lono and Saraswati, but avoided the name of Jesus. There I said it. I was raised very Catholic and the vibe that I picked up, sitting in church staring at the bloody paint dripping from the body hanging over the cross was this: “Look at what he’s already done, leave it alone; you are still not worthy.”
Comedian Kathleen Madigan says it way funnier:
So that is what I did and didn't give it much thought. I have always, always been curious about religion and spirituality. I have report cards where I was criticized by the nuns for asking too many questions in Religion class. So, there’s a consistent character thread there! The first retreat I ever went on was to a Catholic homestead with my Grandmother, it was very forward thinking and basically offered you a space of silence in a gorgeous mansion. I read my first book about a Zen Master while I was there.
Around four years ago, I called a fellow mystical friend, born Jewish, who has spent many years teaching devotional practices grounded in yoga and the language of Sanskrit. I asked her, “Do you say the word God or do you say Universe? And why?”
She got really quiet. I remember her feeling the question. So I knew I was on to something. I remember her answer being something like — I use Universe, but now I am curious why I don’t use God.
[*I did not use quotes because this is from my memory and I am not 100% on her words.]
“I feel like we are being asked to build an Ark,” my friend said this morning. We laughed very uncomfortably at the wording.
“Yeah,” I said, “But I don’t have answers for people. How am I supposed to talk about this without answers? I only know that there is third way. And I can’t —-”
Two pieces of information immediately came to my mind. The first was the subtitle of Meggan Waterson’s book: the Christianity We Haven’t Tried Yet. The second was Myron Golden’s words “you yield to God first, then you get the assignment. It’s not yielding if it is the other way around.”
Come with me to another thread of thought. About two months ago, I had a day of sessions (I work with people one on one to reestablish harmony within the body) and I almost always do sessions at the exact same time. It makes it easier for this brain of mine to have structure.
One aberrant day, I have a client running over time, and new client on the way. I dashed off a text to warn the new client of an overlap. Best I could do.
When the one on one session was over, I see the client response that their session was half an hour later that I had thought. I was perplexed. I was not late, I was ahead of time. I clicked into my email feed to check and low and hold it was true.
Here’s the point: I was ahead of myself. I had helped myself out beforehand.
In an effort to achieve more with less stress, I have been getting up earlier in my mornings, while it is still dark, to light a candle, make coffee, and sit & write. It 100% makes my day go better. I set my mind on the day. I slow down. I get ahead of myself and set up solutions before I get there. I hadn’t realized it was actually working!
I liked the way that interpretation sounded though. I chose it and have started saying it instead of: Wow, how did I manage that? Or what a coincidence! I say: I got ahead of myself and left a solution. It brings me in closer to myself and the idea of trust.
“Wherever you have dreamed of going, I have camped there, and left firewood, for when you arrive. - Hafiz
I think there are many things that have become too common:
Returning compliments with phrases like “I got it on sale” or some such deflection.
Rushing to answers rather than holding opposites
Diluting belief by not making a stand for one’s own heart-space
I think slowing down to be aligned lets us create solutions from humility and increases our capacity to do what we love, and move where we are needed. It’s okay to be brilliant, beautiful and rich in life. It’s only those that move in service that need to be reminded of this — but the time of lack is changing. You can feel it, and so can I.
One more thread, to weave into this. On a particularly cold Tuesday, I sat down and did all the paperwork I had been avoiding. It went really fast, and I felt 100 pounds lighter. I realized how much space the paper had been weighing me down in my brain.
Avoidance is heavy.
Action is helpful.
Intention can direct action in unexpected ways to better than anticipated ends.
Wanting to get this post right, knowing how to hold answers was creating confusion for me. That was not what was needed.
How do I know? Here I am, at the end of the post feeling so much lighter. I realize this is a beginning. Words forming on pages to inspire are not required to have answers. Right now, I only have to have courage. And that is a tremendous relief.
I have never thought there is only one way to God, but I do believe we each have a blueprint inside and it is best to follow that map because we live in a world that is very eager to leave you lost in the dark wood. In fact, they will sell you on the mountaintop and drop you into confusion, only muddying the map further.
When I look back on my life, there are markers of faith that never ever went away. But recapitulation and belief are different. It’s the difference of an acquaintance with whom silence must be filled no matter how shallowly, and a relation-ship where silence is as holding and a refuge, one that is built on trust for unseen waters.
This advent season; this 12|12 portal of clarity with your highest self; this astrologically illumined month of December, may you see the kindling that has been left for you, and may you have the courage to honor who it was that truly placed it there.
For Courage
by John O’Donohue
When the light around you lessens
And your thoughts darken until
Your body feels fear turn
Cold as a stone inside,
When you find yourself bereft
Of any belief in yourself
And all you unknowingly
Leaned on has fallen,
When one voice commands
Your whole heart,
And it is raven dark,
Steady yourself and see
That it is your own thinking
That darkens your world.
Search and you will find
A diamond-thought of light,
Know that you are not alone,
And that this darkness has purpose;
Gradually it will school your eyes,
To find the one gift your life requires
Hidden within this night-corner.
Invoke the learning
Of every suffering
You have suffered.
Close your eyes.
Gather all the kindling
About your heart
To create one spark
That is all you need
To nourish the flame
That will cleanse the dark
Of its weight of festered fear.
A new confidence will come alive
To urge you towards higher ground
Where your imagination
will learn to engage difficulty
As its most rewarding threshold!
✏️ Sit to Inspire & Write to Reveal:
🔥What act of being yourself can you do for you today?
🔥Where can you liberate yourself by trusting that what you are called to do, how you are called to be, and who you are called to serve is enough?
I will write more on this soon. Thank you for being here because you know what happens when two or more are gathered…
With great hope,
Kate
That was beautifully said, and an ark will be built.